Motivation, or lack thereof
At the moment the only thing I am motivated to do is to procrastinate, a lot, in any single way I can find to do it that doesn’t involve actually doing the work I am meant to be doing right now. That’s why I’m writing this, this is nothing more than some more procrastination, though there is a purpose behind this bit.
Right now I’m going through one of those awful slumps. I have no motivation to do the work I need to do and I can’t seem to see my way out of it. So here’s the thing; why not write about it? Then maybe I might get a handle on what’s blocking me right now and get on past it.
I’m in that strange place where I’ll either find my motivation and be successful, or I’ll hit rock bottom and end up working in a shop for the rest of my life. I could burst out in tears just thinking about the latter option but even that thought hasn’t been enough to motivate me out of this slump.
The slump comes after a series of setbacks, every opportunity I’ve applied for has turned out to be a non-opportunity. I’ve lost count of the amount of rejections I’ve had since I graduated at the beginning of July and it’s only the beginning of September. It’s not as if I’ve sat back and said, ‘the work will come to me!’ It hasn’t and it won’t. I’ve worked really hard on application after application and all that hard work comes back to me in the form on an email or letter that says, ‘we have taken the time to consider your application and regret to inform you, you have not been successful on this occasion.’
Now all I can think is, ‘when will I be successful?’ I’m not even expecting offers to flood though my door, just an interview would be enough to show that I’m not just a complete failure.
All that rejection has left me feeling lonely and depressed. Nobody wants me to work for them, nobody even wants to give me a chance to show that actually I can be quite good. All this must mean I am a complete failure.
Now this is not unique to me. Right now there are probably thousands of people in my position; recent graduates who can’t get a break, workers who have been made redundant and are trying to get back into work. It isn’t easy for any of us but it is easy to fall into the trap of thinking you’re the only one. I look about me and it seems all my friends are doing so much better than me. Whether it’s perception or truth, it’s leaving me feeling isolated.
In less than six months’ time I’ll be 30 and that really isn’t helping. Here am I, having just graduated and trying to start at the bottom of a career ladder once again and I’m almost 30. It really doesn’t help when I hear of my friends’ new houses, impending marriages or new babies. All that seems as far off to me right now as it did to us all when we were just 21 and they were just graduating.
And so I come back to that question; ‘how do I get myself out of this slump?’ I start working, I create my own opportunities, I stand straight back up every time I get knocked back down. I have no choice but to sound like a cheesy self-help book, I gave up what could have been a brilliant career for this, there is no way I’m backing down now.
It’s all a bit easier said than done through and it certainly doesn’t help that my mother keeps telling me not to worry because, ‘you can always move back home when it all fails.’ No really, thanks for the support.
Now all that’s left for me is to try again, to send out more applications and proposals and introductory letters. I just have to hope that I never get to the rejection that will completely break me.
